to those of you who are getting sick and tired of the non-content coming out of these parts lately (i cite as evidence the excessive use of online quizzes and complaints about my job), i bring you the Christmas-time feel-good story of the year- Content: The Return.

some one-word summaries of some films i've taken in recently:

The Return of the King: Homo-erotic. (1st runner up: Looong)
Battlefield Earth: Scientology-tastic.
The Magnificent Seven: Awesome.
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind: Huh?
Hardees: Not actually a movie but still good.

let me talk to you about Hardee's. [dim the lights and cue black and white filming] i used to be the kind of guy who used Hardee's as a synonym for poop. the kind of guy who if he saw an open Hardee's while starving to death and freezing in a blizzard would think twice about going in. so when my friend Jon, an ordinary-looking black and white Midwesterner just like me, told me about Hardee's new Thickburger i said to him, "i've got your thickburger right here, big boy." we both had a good laugh over that one.

but seriously, i owed Jon $8.50 from seeing The Return of the King and we were hungry, so we went to Hardees. i was surprised to learn that "Medium" is now a synonym for "Ridiculously Huge" when it comes to fountain drinks. upon seeing my cup i guessed that the woman at the register just gave us large cups to be nice, which happens some times. i guessed wrong. after checking out the to-go lids and finding a stack of plastic lids the size of dinner plates i have come to realize that "Medium" is apparently a much larger quantity than it used to be. the burger was good, large and came with some fresh-tasting vegetables. the fries were adequate. my food was served in a little paper tray that was clearly designed to make me feel like i was in a Malt Shop after school in the 50's. i am not going to make any wild predictions, but it is safe to say that i will probably go back to a Hardees again sometime.

Hardees is dead! Long live Hardees!