I spent Wednesday of this week entering data into the computer. On Thursday I came in and EVERY SINGLE THING I HAD DONE HAD BEEN ERASED. They said it was a mistake. They said it had to do with “merging the database” or "a dump from ProVal”. They said it was an accident. Maybe it was an accident. An accident sort of like the dinosaurs escaping in Jurassic Park. It wouldn't have happened if that fat computer dude hadn't been trying to steal everything and if the old man hadn't been so crazy and incredibly stupid. However, we all knew when it started that it was destined to go wrong. The previews said so, the book said so, the whole movie screamed "This plan is obviously going to backfire in the most inconvenient way possible sic: The dinosaurs will escape and eat everyone in the park... AND I DO MEAN EVERYONE. NO ONE CAN ESCAPE THE DINOSAURS! THEY CAN TURN DOOR HANDLES! JEFF GOLDBLUM IS IN THIS MOVIE! NO ONE IS SAFE! THEY ALL WILL DIE DIE DIE AND BE EATEN FOR BREAKFAST (IN THE CASE OF THE SLOW ONES) OR POSSIBLY FOR TEA (FOR THE FASTER & MORE INTELLIGENT ONES). Ok, I shouldn't have said 'everyone'. It was a generalization - but still a true generalization. Well, I over-generalized. A little. I was kidding when I said 'everyone'. When I said 'everyone', I didn't really mean 'everyone'. It was a different era, when it was okay to say things like 'everyone'. You took my words out of context. I did not say 'everyone'. I have never said the word, 'everyone'. I think my record speaks for itself."

But seriously, though, if it's written in the script, can it really be called an accident? Can there be chance in a predetermined world? As a historian, I have been forced to admit the fact that no historical explanation can be a true explanation unless free will is an illusion. (Just hang with me, people, I promise a big, big segue is coming here) Yet I continue, as an individual, to behave as though I were free. On the other hand in many instances it is comforting to know (think..?) that I am not free. Case in point: I actually went to see the movie Underworld. Anonymous sources allege that I was, in fact, excited to see this movie. Documents reported to substantiate claims that I knew beforehand that said film would be bad have been subpoenaed. The case looks pretty airtight. But, then again, it wasn't my fault. It was historically determined.

A review of the movie Underworld:

Underworld: it used to be the place old, dead greeks went. not anymore. now it's a movie. a movie about werewolves and vampires.

i only really expected two things from this movie:
(1). it will be terrible
(2). it will have werewolves fighting vampires.

As the movie began, I was so excited my hands were almost shaking (possibly due to the 1.5 pounds of Twizzlers I inhaled during the previews). I wasn’t even paying attention to the story until the plot took an unexpected turn. the plot revolves a vampire war against the werewolves, which turns out to be the night-time monster equivalent of the Holocaust, with the vampires as the nazis and the werewolves as the jews. except the jews can turn into giant wolf-men who can rip the nazis/vampires limb from limb, all except for Viktor/Hitler, the evil vampire mastermind running the war. in the end, the story plays exactly like the 1936 olympics in berlin, with a half-breed vampire/werewolf medical student playing the role of jesse owens and viktor as hitler. well, exactly like the olympics WOULD have played out if jesse owens had been dating hitler’s adopted daughter, and that daughter had cut hitler’s head in half with a sword.

Don't go see this movie. Ever. I only told you about it because I promised in my first ever post to this blog that I would. Now we're even.