Tootsie Roll Pops: Tasty Treat or Menace to Society?

the top of my mouth really hurts. i should have known better than to eat candy at 9:15 AM, and i should also have known better than to ever put another tootsie roll pop in my mouth. yet here i am, the roof of my mouth covered in painful and sugary abrasions. i'd like to expound on how my mouth hurts for a couple of paragraphs while my MIBOR printouts are being printed, but i think i'm going to forego that and take the opportunity to answer recent criticism i have received from Mike "P.Beatty" Doss who, after reading my brief thoughts on the 2003 (4?) AFC Championship game is, "not real impressed with this whole taking losing with dignity thing."

please, Herr Beatty, allow me to explain. i am a bit disappointed because i wanted the Colts to win, and somewhere deep inside i am crying in an undignified, child-like, and humiliating fashion. but somewhere deeper than that i am laughing at myself for crying because i secretly suspected that this would be the way things turned out. the incessant harping on how amazing the Colts playoff run was and particularly how unstoppable Manning was pretty much spelled doom in the mind of this Hoosier.

in addition to being disappointed, i would be angry if there were anyone to be angry at. there are a couple of candidates, but none of them particularly compelling as an object for my undying hatred. to wit:

P.Manning- i wouldn't have been watching the game if it weren't for this guy. this is the only bad game he had all year. plus he's the closest thing to a Football Jesus that i will see in my lifetime. also, some people seem to have an irrational dislike for him, which prompts the contrarian in me to nurture an irrational love of the ex-Mr. Can't-Win-The-Big-Game.
Tony Dungy- how can you not love this guy?
the Patriots- are a good football team. i don't like to watch them, but i guess they deserved to be there.
Tom Brady- i would like to hate you, Tom Brady, i really would. but aside from a stupid looking beard, you are a hard man to hate. or like. or care at all about.
the referees- probably should have thrown a flag or two here and there, but must have had good reason to eat their flags. (hunger perhaps) also, having been weaned on playoff hockey i am very much accustomed to the playoff double-standard in officiating.

hey, if i could find something in that game to get ornery about, i wouldn't be making this "losing with dignity" apologia. instead, i'd be slapping the ground with my palms, making monkey noises, and flinging my poop 'til the cows came home. but to be honest, i'm not really feeling the monkey-screeching / poop-tossing vibe here. i don't know what it is, but i just can't find anything to break me out of this listless disappointment and get me angry. but then again, it's difficult to focus on much of anything when the top of your mouth hurts so bad.