Technical issues being resolved, I now have something to share:

The Amityville Horror (1979)

This movie meandered through all 117 of its minutes, before coming to an end with a thud. How this movie was able to spawn sequels and a remake, we may never know. What was most frustrating about the movie (besides its plodding pace) was the total lack of clarity on what exactly was going on. Is the house evil? Is it just sitting on an evil plot of ground? Is the house possessing George? Is the little girl's imaginary friend a ghost? Is it supposed to be evil? Is the fact that Margo Kidder starts doing ballet moves in the mirror while wearing one (and only one) legwarmer 30 or so minutes into the film a sign of demonic possession? These questions remain totally unanswered. Either that, or I just missed the answers because I was bored.

Whichever way you cut it, I could never tell what was supposed to be going on. At various times the house seems to want to (a). make the Lutz family leave (b). kill the Lutz family (c). possess the Lutz family and keep them in the house. In an attempt to try and wring some sense out of the film, I, together with the porn-star-turned-psychology-student with whom I watched the movie, attempted to compile a list of the house's likes and dislikes, reproduced below.

Likes:
small female children
Chinese dragons
wood-chopping
a roaring fire
3:15 AM
annoying 'psychic' girlfriends

Dislikes:
priests
nuns
crucifixes
speeding
annoying 'psychic' girlfriends
leaving doors open
dogs
beards (for some modestly ferocious beardage, click here and here)
the dangling of plastic spiders onto the heads of aforementioned small female children by means of a fishing pole

If you think you can make any kind of sense out of this, feel free to check out the Amityville Horror. But, in the end, I can't really recommend The Amityville Horror. It did, however, inspire me with dreams of making a movie about a possessed toothbrush using only 30 second clips filmed with a digital camera.