A rant.

Wouldn't it be most appropriate in a course designed to teach historical theory and method if we actually (just for the sake of argument, mind you) started out by reading some HISTORY. Sophisticated, literate, intellectually informed history, sure. But history. If you don't have footnotes, don't bother applying. If you don't reference documents, go ahead and just stay home. If you compulsively insist on putting quotation marks around words like reality, truth, past, and is, please punch yourself in the face for me.

Why should I bother learning about how to write history from a philosopher? Or an English professor? I understand that theory is important. But I didn't come here for a Ph.D in Philosophy. Or to become a novelist. I was under the impression that I came here to become a historian. And honestly, I'd rather learn how to do that from a historian rather than a philosopher masquerading as a historian (Hayden White I am looking in your direction) or from the recently-deceased King of Linguistical Obfuscation. So, everything is a text now, is it? Well, here's some news for you: I'm about to shove my text so far up your text that you're going to be texting text for a damn month.

Do people in other disciplines have useful suggestions and corrections to make to the work of historians? Of course. But don't come to me and tell me about the death of history and the end of metanarrative while you're quietly BASING YOUR CONCLUSIONS ON A DAMN METANARRATIVE.

You know what? There's a reason that historians spent gallons of ink trying to liberate themselves from these folks. Historians fought (and died?) to establish an autonomous discipline on their own principles. And now we're going to turn right around and let these poseurs and pretenders teach us how to be historians?

Come on, people! Did George Washington let King George III (IV? II? XIV?) tell him how to be President? No! Damn right, he didn't.

Did Aaron Burr let anyone tell him how to become King of Louisiana? No. He didn't.

Did Reagan let Congress tell him how to sell arms to Iran to finance an illegal war in Central America? Goddamn right.

And do you know why not? Because that's the American way.

And I'll be damned if I'm going to let the terrorists, er, postmodernists win.