food-type things obtained in a cash-for-goods exchange at the grocery store over the weekend:
2 boxes bakers dozen potato & cheese pierogies
1 loaf whole wheat bread
4 cups Brown Cow cream top yogurt
1 bag fresh baby spinach with carrots
1 bag baby carrots
1.5 gal orange juice
1 l cranberry juice
1 box plain gardenburgers
1 bottle of wine, $6.99
1 bottle of wine, $5.99

Dear hangover,

oh, my old friend I had forgotten how long it had been since we last met face to face. I noticed that you had visited any number of my friends and acquaintences, but I never realized how many many months had passed since we last got friendly. and while this may sound somewhat rude, after Sunday's all-day romp, I have to say that if I never see you again it will be too soon. Also, your friend Dr. Headache is a real asshole.

yours,
J

Q: who the f*ck is J. Miner?
A: J. Miner is a bunch of paid-ass motherf*ckers

look, I could go on like this all day, but that whiny son of a bitch, the present active subjunctive, and its socially awkward friends, the imperfect active subjunctive and the pluperfect active subjunctive (not to mention their inbred cousins the present, imperfect and pluperfect passive subjunctives) are due for a serious whipping and I feel like I'm just the guy to give it to them. Also, it doesn't look like anyone is around who's interested in doing it for me.