Wolverines!

In the middle of a relaxing sup at Chevy's (for the first and last time) earlier this week, I was trying to ascertain the most appropriate way to celebrate our nation's independence. I settled on an option that was flawed, yet still totally awesome (just like the good ol' U S of A), a 4th of July screening of Red Dawn. In the end, I got so excited I couldn't stand it anymore and wound up watching what has been called by some "the best pro-gun movie ever" the on the third, instead of the fourth. Whatever. Call it impatience, call it pre-partying, call it extreme efficiency: any way you cut it, nothing is more American than celebrating July 4 on July 3.

Plus, Red Dawn is clearly awesome. And yet, there remain doubters out there. Some have, in fact, compained about the pacing. It's a 75 minute movie streched into a 90 minute movie stretched into a 114 minute movie, they say. Sure, Red Dawn isn't going to break any land speed records. But in the face of the ever-accelerating pace of life and other overused clichès like defense winning championships and our president, I find it all the more valuable to hearken back to a simpler time, a time when men were men and in which the whole Eastern Bloc could be thwarted by the collective action of a group of high school students. Besides, the moderate pacing of Red Dawn leaves plenty of time for the film to develop a sophisticated political discourse of alterity and subjecthood (in the parlance of our times). Just think of the boring parts as drink/conversation breaks.

Plus, this movie is extremely quick out of the gate. It may take way too long to wrap up, but give John Milius credit: he doesn't bother with any hackneyed sentimental set-up: a brief conversation by a football field, a shot of the local highschool in Smalltown, USA, and a thirty-second lecture on Genghis Khan by the only black guy in town are all that happens before the commies (are they Russians? or is it the Cubans? the Nicaraguans?) parachute in and make the only black guy in town the first casualty of the communist invasion. Blam!

Other complaints about Red Dawn include its alleged lack of subtlety. These critics point to a moment early in the film in which one of the (godless) communist invaders walks by a pickup truck with a bumper sticker that reads, "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead hand." The camera then pans down to a corpse, from whose hand the aforementioned (godless) communist pries a gun. Wow. Also, the invaders use the local gun registry to round up "troublemakers" and "reeducate" them at a maximum security facility, also known as a drive-in movie theater with a fence around it. Red Dawn's critics, who will henceforth be referred to as "my critics", may have a point: this movie is not shy about it's anti-gun control stance. Wolverines!

We should not rush to judgment, however. In matters of gender, for example, Red Dawn displays a remarkably forward thinking ethic of violence: Marty McFly's mom and Ferris Bueller's sister also get in on the insurgency action. I think one of them may even have fought with Charlie Sheen about being made to do the laundry instead of included in the fighting, but I was getting myself something to drink at that point, so I missed most of the dialogue. Still, I feel that I am on solid ground in asserting that Red Dawn comes out in a strong anti-choice feminist stance: when the Reds come to town everyone needs to pick up a gun and do their part - no hiding behind the illusion of 'choosing' to stay at home allowed. Wolverines!

Plus, this isn't just a good guy vs. bad guy movie. This movie clearly recognizes subtle gradations of both good and evil. Look at the debate The Swayz and Charlie Sheen have before killing the mayor's son. 'What makes us different from them?' someone asked, right before I had to go to the bathroom. I'm sure there was some subtle exploration of the difficult moral choices available to the Wolverines while I was in the can. It must have been quick, though, because before I made it out of the room the shooting had started again.

Additionally, this movie has a healthy respect for the position of the (godless) Communist invaders/oppressors. Take, for example the three faces of evil from Red Dawn:

#1 Russian Guy (Col. Strelnikov?)
He's wearing a fuzzy hat. I'm not really sure what he does in this movie besides wear a hat and scream things in Russian. Actually, I can't tell if he's Russian or not. Maybe he orders some civilians killed for no good reason? I can't remember exactly. If this movie has a bad guy, though, I think this guy is it. Maybe.

Fidel Junior (aka Colonel Ernesto Bella)
Is he Cuban? Nicaraguan? Mexican? Who cares? He speaks Spanish and is a communist. Still, he's obviously uncomfortable with his job killing helpless civilians in Colorado (and with the temperature). Think of him as the conscience of the (godless) communist invaders. He spends a lot of time bellyaching about how he used to be an insurgent and now he is a policeman, and how it's too cold in Colorado, and how he wishes to go home to his wife. Is he a commie with a heart of gold? Or just a bellyacher? Who knows. In the end, though, he lets the two (fatally) wounded heroes stagger off to die by a snow-covered swingset so I suppose that makes him okay in my book.

The hunter (General Bratchenko? I can't actually tell Strelnikov or Bratchenko apart)
This gentleman shows up late in the film, ostensibly to answer a question that, in the context of this film, seems to have been largely rhetorical: How do you fight an insurgency? The Russians and Generic-Spanish-Speaking Communists seemed to be doing just fine at getting mowed down and having their tanks blown up before he arrived, but whatever. I have to say, he seemed like he was probably the worst of the lot, given that he was the last one to get killed by the Swayz/Sheen tag-team combination. Also, he kills, er, martyrs the two protagonists.

In case you ever find yourself fighting an insurgency of your own: based on Bratchenko's(?) advice, I suggest deploying your barnyard metaphors as quickly as possible to attack their flank while your pointless monologue begins an encircling action. In his own words: "What is a wolverine? A small ferocious animal. To catch the wolverine you must be like the fox. You must become the fox and follow the fox to its den, not kill the pig because the wolverine killed your chickens." Right.

I am now both tired and tired of writing, so I'll cut to the chase - clearly, this movie both respects and treats with sensitivity (and manliness) many of the important issues of this or any other historical era. I highly recommend you sit down and watch this movie in the near future. Just don't expect me to watch it with you.


Wolverines!